Chomei

Words and styling by art by S.yoshiko

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She was fighting her need to squirm as he looked at her. He could feel it, this anxiety that never left her, that raw pain she clung to as if it could shelter her from any other hardship.Even clad in the thick fur outfit offered by Dynilde, she looked cold but it wasn't surprising: the weather up here had nothing in common with the mild winters of the dendroan coast after all.

"So, Aelys The spring moon has come and gone. As per our former agreement, you can leave now if you want and we will provide you with whatever you may need."

"Thank you, my lord."

She made no motion to move and he smiled, stepping closer to her, noting the way she started to lean back before steeling herself. Again the comparison he had made the first time he had seen her rose to his mind.

"Look at her. She is a broken foal, that one. Someone tooled her with whip and spurs while all she needed was a gentle, loving hand. "

Sugeru sighed. The two of them had been surveying the patrols on the outside walls, and watching the young woman from afar. Mutely, relentlessly, she was carrying on her chores, pulling out the buckets of warm water used for cleaning the stables and dragging those to the troughs without a word.

"Rumors say she killed her king."

"Do you really believe that? You saw her. You spoke to her. Does she strike you as a murderer?"

The general shook his head in denigration. He had been the one to find her in the woods after the caravan had forbidden her to enter the city. He had been the one to point her out to the warm caves hidden on the mountain's flanks, the ones that would give her a chance to stand the harsh Drechenval winter. Finally, he had been the one to take her inside the city, when he had rescued her from the blizzard.

"She just needs gentleness, Sugeru. Mark my words. She is truthful, but also in deep pain. She has had a great hole ripped in her soul that keeps on bleeding not matter what she does. She gave too much."

When he had show her the small houses along the stable's wall, she had chosen the farthest away cabin to settle, an almost derelict hut she crawled in like a wounded animal. She never avoided her duties, small as these were but she kept away from the other workers. She tolerated them but when they tried to talk to her, she would just blink, stay silent, or go away. There was a terrible numbness around her, but also a sense of duty, a finality that was both dreadful and fascinating for those around her. Give her something to do, no matter what, and she would undergo the task, not stopping till its completion.

 "I was wondering if I could persuade you to stay with us a little bit longer."

He stopped to fight a bout of cough, one first clenching as the familiar pain rolled in his chest, making his vision waver and swim. It had been there, that faint spark in her eyes, a hope she had tried to quench immediately, frightened again.

"That is very kind of you, my Lord, but I must be going."

"Where? The mountains passes aren't open yet and I doubt you can go back from where you came.. Stay with us. You will be welcome here for as long as you wish."

He stopped again, stifling another cough and she reached out to him, worry and concern frowning her brow. Chomei smiled, his eyes twinkling despise the pain inside.

"No, I'm not." She stopped. Those eyes burrowing in hers were benevolent but not weak and under that gaze, she heard herself mutter in a frail trickle of voice that had Sugeru's eyes widen in surprise. "Yes."

"That I will fail again, and be cast out again. I want some place to belong."

Sugeru was astounded and filled with a deep pity at the same time as he heard that small, meek voice. Her grey eyes were filled with a liquid shine that threatened to spill on her cheeks at the smallest move.

The Drechenval king nodded once, calmly. He had understood that, from what little she had revealed, bits and pieces that had been easy to piece together. Whatever had happened that night when her sworn king had been murdered, she still considered herself guilty, a shame that was eating her alive as she stared at the stone ground, avoiding his eyes.

One extended finger reaching for her chin, gently lifting it so they were face to face.

"Let me give you this, Aelys. You can turn away, walk away from this place. You cankeep on walking, stopping sometimes to places but never letting yourself rest, never letting yourself belong again."

Her tears were now dripping freely but she hadn't moved, hadn't balked away. As gently and as carefully as he would have approached a wounded animal he let his finger drop from her chin, his hands reaching out for her shoulders as he smiled down at her.

 Or you can try, and trust, and stay. You are welcome here, Aelys."

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 commission for
Chomei© art by | s.yoshiko

thanks for the art review by clint cearley